Pendulum IV

I was a kid, my early teens,
Four years, no five, have passed it seems,
I might forget, but in my dreams,
Are all the times and all the scenes,
Of those left with a broken heart,
Turned treachery into an art,
Together then growing apart,
Was not the end, never the start,
Of coming across such a sight,
I looked directly at the Light,
It took me down without a fight,
Then brought me up to a great height,
Giving into Light's attraction,
The sensation and compassion,
Little boy who played assassin,
Not immune to a reaction,
Dedication second to none,
Her frown was like a loaded gun,
When she smiled, the world was spun,
"You're my only, my only one,"
But approached another mistake,
A short pursuit for old time's sake,
I'd be back before she'd awake,
But she knew and lived with heartache,
And I knew what I did was wrong,
A confrontation three days prolonged,
Apologizing all day long,
Forgiven, then kept going strong,
But this goddamned restrictive space,
Set up a painful fall from grace,
The luxury of real embrace,
The reason why I was replaced,
I can't rightly recall the blur,
The time of day or where we were,
But I’ll just lie if you prefer,
The time I “died”, what I referred,
Was well into and past grade nine,
I lost the will and want to shine,
Under esteem's poverty line,
I'd say I was, but wasn't fine,
In brothers’ shadows where I stood,
To be a prince, I never could,
Nowhere as wanted or as good,
Stayed in the background like I should,
Reminded of the sure repeat,
I sat there thinking in my seat,
With my brothers I can’t compete,
The handsome, honored, and elite.
And all the credits went to them,
Applause for my brothers again
None for the one who held the pen,
Happening now like it did then,
Hopes and expectations damned,
I had to find a way to stand,
With no support or helping hand,
The journey rougher than I planned,
My second home, it gave me doubt,
This feeling of being left out,
The different paths and different routes,
The times and thoughts I’d do without,
The rumors and the secrets kept,
Away as if I was inept,
Realities I won’t accept,
Along the shore, the storm, it crept,
I faced the sirens of the bay,
I wanted to, but couldn't stay,
The view that made me want to say,
"You look so beautiful today,"
And all of that which happened next,
Much time to rebuild and reflect,
A hundred scripts and film projects,
A thousand calls, millions of texts,
My instruments lined up and tuned,
The right music to heal a wound,
Memories in my lyrics crooned,
The right list’ners they sighed and swooned,
But in the rebirth of the Rhyme,
Trying to forget all her crimes,
Some things, I knew, would just take time,
Like this mountain I had to climb,
But she came back sunshine and smiles,
The repeat of her goddamned trials,
And in the archives and their aisles,
Nostalgia showed me all the miles,
The “I Love You”s and “I Don’t Knows”,
The bliss and hurt that came from those,
What happens next, God only knows,
I’ll bring this chapter to a close.